Arranged marriages in tradional Arena

The elders from both sides, grooms and brides, are sitting in a hall. The hall is alright big to have ten twelve people comfortably. The bride side has particularly insisted the meeting place has to be the groom’s home where the bride is going to live if everything falls in right place. The elderly from bride sides think that they will get to see the see the home of the groom properly. They consider it as one of the so many criterions. They can judge the current condition of the groom family. Everybody required for the meeting is in now. The males are sitting with groom discussing things with groom and females are sitting with bride doing relevant discussions. A typical scenario of the many arranged marriages those takes place around us, isn’t it?

Well in the meeting, the groom side sounds grandiloquent. They talk lot of highs about their business and all. Bride side elders cross them on numerous occasions but they face strong defending. The groom in the meanwhile just glances towards bride and gets strange looks on her face. She looks at him and quickly takes her eye away. The discussions stop with the plates full of “Pohas” and “chai”. Everybody eats to the full of their stomach.

Here with the bride, many women from groom pisses her off by asking tens and thousands of questions. On her answers, they whisper something in each other’s ears. She find it very unmannered. But nobody gives damn about her.

The question is How come these people have got into the meeting? With typical network that elderly from both sides, the typical arrangers who always carry one or two photos in their bag along with their Kundalis. Some how everything falls into place Kundalis are matched and these people decide to meet. The meeting has typical name”LAGNACHI BAITHAK”.

The bride and groom both are very much educated but still they have to face such orthodox ways of arranging the marriage. Some times they rebel and scream but instead of getting proper analytically correct points they get ultimatums. They get emotionally blackmailed by the elderlies.why?

I am not saying all the role of the elders is wrong but where the bride n groom come into picture I depicted earlier. They should be allowed to express their views properly. The people from both the sides should keep their egos at home while discussing things and allow the most concerned persons to talk. If they cannot talk they are not fit or matured enough for getting married.

The groom has always given a right to choose. His side most of the times dictates terms to the bride side. Why this? Just because he is groom? I am not feminist but I don’t see any fair ways in it.

The girls now a day are equally eligible. They have their own roles to play in the development of the society. Our mothers have suffered a lot we see but can we not stop our sisters and spouses from sufferings? We surely can! Live and let live, give and get respect are the mantras.

Getting back to marriages, many times the bride and groom hardly get to talk to each other between these elderly .Even if they do get to talk in private people start their stop watches n with every passing second their eyebrows keep raising up to the limit, then these two persons come out meeting gets over. Both the sides say meeting is over and will let you know the decision and goes to home.

Now the decision making comes in. At brides place the elders talk like we shouldn’t argue anymore and all the things are ok. But the commotion start as the difference of opinion comes in. Bride argues a lot with her points but the stubborn elders hardly move from their stand. The real agony is they never produce any cogent argument which proves that the groom they’ve seen is the one for her. She has been asked to follow the elder and show respect to them. Just follow them because they are elders .why? Did they produce any proper points? No. Just follow them because once they did the same. This takes us back in time isn’t it? Our sensex may be above 12ks our IT exports may be touching $ 25 billion figure but we are sticking to our age old stereotypes. Don’t you think that the time is asking us to change here?

The young and dynamic bride also decides to play the hard balls and refuses all the things proposed by the elders. She makes her decision on just few minutes she got to talk with the groom because she has no other option. This is no time to judge anybody, good or bad, isn’t it? This is really big problem which nobody cares about. Poor girl has to battle with the elders n with her own self too. She gets confused and hardly able to see the things properly. She is forced to make the decision in short span of time. How come?

In fact neither bride nor groom can take proper decisions this way. Do we take the important decisions like this? Have you decided to choose your profession like this then how come one can choose a LIFE partner in this way?

My male friends will kill me if I don’t portray on their side of problem in these stubborn and age-old system of arranged marriage. On their side settlement is the issue. But are the grooms given enough time to settle down? All the time they face pressures from elders for getting married soon. It may not be direct but it may indirect like if someone asks to one elder in the family what’s going on? The elder replies he/she wants to see face of her grandchild and then they will be free to pursue their holy stuff they cry about. It does affect the thinking of the young man. What about the ambitions and goal he has been thinking on since his younger years?

Friends, once the responsibility of the other person untimely comes in you get hampered. Your natural aggressive instincts are asked to be curbed. The spouse is asked to be in the centre of the decision he takes hence forth. Nothing wrong with it but if it comes before time then it acts like a curse. He gets frustrated because he has happiness neither at workplace nor at home. He gets caught into no man’s land situation. To make the matters worse the wife gives birth to cute child. This acts like nail in the coffin for a man if it comes at wrong time. Forget about the ambitions and goals he gets forced to lead the normal and ordinary life.

I am not gonna say that this is happening in all the marriages. Still it cannot be denied. Slight change here n there it happens in most of the arranged marriages. Two complete strangers just start live together just because their elders think it is right. It hardly makes any sense.

I am again not against the arranged marriages but this system is begging for necessary changes in it. It has got desperate now.

I think my suggestions are affordable from all the sides. First up all the things have to just go around the most concerned persons. The maturity level of both bride and groom needs to be checked. Both should be matured enough to understand their own responsibilities as well as their role in the marriage.

Elders can check whatever n all things they want to but let the two important people have their say too.

The most importantly the two most concerned persons get to know each other properly if the decision they take has to be correct. After all the approvals of the elders they need to be allowed to see each other for a while. The places can be public just for the concern of the bride side. Actually I don’t see any problem in going anywhere. If the elders have faith in their checking things out and also faith their teachings to their children nothing will go wrong. This ensures the optimization, doesn’t it? You get the best person to marry. Every body is happy.

Lastly we should make concrete arrangements so that no brides get burnt alive for crap things like dowry. We need groom the ambitions in the men as well. Rather than getting biased on any male or female side we should care about the common welfare.

After all the mothers, sisters, spouses, daughters need their men and vice versa. These people love each other a lot but the time has come put a little more sense and faith in the relations.

LIVE n LET LIVE